There are so many etiquette rules for weddings that come and go. However, there are some that are just common courtesy every guest should stick to. Weddings can be very stressful for the couple, so it’s great if you can help alleviate some of the stress.

Photo: Mike Pham Photography

Return the RSVP right away

Most couples are basing their final wedding guest list on who is able to come. So let them know right away if you WILL or WILL NOT be coming. Save the dates are usually sent out 6 to 8 months prior to the wedding date to give guests a heads up. Official wedding invitations usually come out 4 months before the wedding to give guests ample time to make travel plans if they didn’t do so from the save the date.Be sure to return them by at least 2 months before the wedding date. To narrow down a guest list, some couples go in tiers based on importance to send out their invitations so they would like to know asap so they can move to the next tier. They may be choosing a wedding venue or caterer based on their headcount so a lot may be riding on how many people are attending. Be sure to write your full name legibly and don’t add any uninvited guests. If there are entree options be sure to write initials of each guests choices.

Buying a gift

Ideally, wedding gifts should be sent to the couple prior to the wedding and no later than 2 months after the wedding if necessary. Purchasing a gift from a couple's bridal registry is a great way to make the couple's day. While some couples do not want to receive multiple gifts from the same person, it is nice to buy a single large gift for the newlyweds. This way, they can get something unique, or even something they wouldn't have thought of themselves. If you decide to give them money, $50 to $75 is good per person for a casual guest. If you have a close relationship with the couple you can give more. However, there is no right or wrong amount.

Follow the dress code

Not all weddings or venues have a dress code but if there is, be sure to follow it. If it’s a formal affair, you don’t want to come in jeans and a t-shirt. If it’s a casual beach wedding, you don’t want to come dressed in a suit. You also don’t want to dress in something too loud or flashy to upstage the bride. It’s really not a good time to try out a bold fashion statement. What colors to wear to a wedding?

Time of Arrival

It is a good idea for the couple to put the time of arrival on the invitation so guests know when they can start showing up to the wedding venue. The rule of thumb is about 15 minutes for smaller weddings and 30 minutes for larger weddings. You don’t want to come too early because things are usually being set up until the time that is allowed for you to come. Of course you don’t want to come late to a wedding. Especially if you are part of the wedding or helping out. Having to wait for one person will put the whole ceremony at a standstill and throw off the timeline.

Background Conversations

During the ceremony especially, it is polite to be quiet and keep any negative comments to yourself. Keep cell phones on silent and any talking to a minimum if necessary. Guests around you may be able to hear your conversation or worse, the videographer catches your voice in the background. The only voices that should be heard during the ceremony is the officiant and the couple. The photographer may capture pictures of you talking in the background. So try to have an attentive smile on your face the whole time.

Having polite table manners

These common proper table manners can make dining with others a more pleasant experience. Wash and arrive at the table clean and sit in your assigned seat. Before sitting, be sure your phone is still on silent and put away in your purse or pocket…not on the table. Eat slowly and keep the pace with other diners. Hold your utensils correctly and when you are not using your napkin, leave it in your lap. The couple will try to make their rounds to greet everyone so don’t go up to their table when they are eating. Most of these things are common sense but after a couple of cocktails, they may be forgotten.

Watch your alcohol intake

Alcohol is a great way to have a toast and relax a bit. However, weddings are notorious for having at least one overly drunk person that made a fool of themselves.So don’t let that person be you. Conversations and videos will be caught on social media forever. So drink responsibly and always make sure to have a designated driver or hotel nearby to crash at if you plan to drink.

Big announcements or speeches.

Although most of the people who you would share your big announcement to,( like a pregnancy or your own wedding) may be present, leave that for another time. Announcing things at a couple’s nuptials is a huge breach of etiquette. Unless the couple decides to do it themselves (with your approval) , you should wait for your own event to do so. Speeches are usually integrated into the timeline from their wedding planner so an unplanned speech disrupts the flow of planned events and could be taking time away from planned toasts. Funny and intimate speeches are great because many times family members are meeting the spouse for the first time. So it’s always nice to hear something wonderful from a loved one.

Pranks at a wedding

Harmless pranks at weddings can break the ice and set a light hearted mood to your wedding. The best way to avoid pranks going wrong at a wedding is to make sure that your prank is approved by the bride and groom, the vendors, and the wedding venue. If not, you could run the risk of embarrassing someone or going against the rules of the venue. Some fun pranks at your wedding are to start off your dance in a slow romantic tempo. Half way through, the music stops, and the couple and the wedding party break out into a choreographed dance. Or have a bouquet that breaks into multiple bouquets so your surprised single friends have more of a chance to get one. Switcheroo garter removal is fun but make sure you are both in on it. :) For most pranks, you may want to wait until the reception when things are more relaxed and the stress of the ceremony is over. Your wedding may be more memorable and talked about from years to come.

These of course are all just suggestions. Everyone may have a different opinion about what is good etiquette and what is not. The bottom line is to try to be respectful to the couple and other guests so the wedding is a positive memory for everyone.

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